Weeping Silently

9:56am: Ahh...my love...
It's the way he looks into my eyes and tells me that he loves me.

It's the way he touches my hand to let me know he knows I'm here.

It's the way he kisses me and tells me I am the only one.

It's the way he tells me that he will never leave me.

It's the way he lets me cry to him and he listens.

It's the way he cares, even when I don't want him to.

It's the way he holds my hand wherever we go.

It's the way he wraps his arms around me when we are in a line for something.

It's the way he holds me when I am upset.

It's the way he comes to sit with me when I look over at him.

It's the way he takes me to the beach when it is a beautiful night.

It's the way he makes me laugh when I am upset, even if I am upset with him.

It's the way he will tell me he's sorry even if it was my fault.

It's the way he would do anything for me to be happy.

It's the way he trys to give me whatever I need.

It's the way he wispers in my ear that he loves me and he will never let me go.

It's the way he loves me.



Nobody has ever loved me like Jon, I don't ever want them to. I don't want anyone to look at me the way he does, I don't want anyone to touch me like he does. I don't want anyone to kiss me like he does. Thank you so much for talking to me last night, Paul! I love you like a brother! You look after me like a brother would. I am so glad to have a friend like you!! I know now that Jon will NEVER leave me for another girl. That he would never cheat on me. That he would never hurt me. Well, I knew all that before, but I didn't know it as much! If it wasn't for you I would probaby still be at home crying. Or keeping all my feelings from Jon! I love ya Paulie! Thank you!

11:26am: why?
why does it seem like nobody cares?
why does it feel like I'm all alone?
why does it feel like I have no friends?
why does it seem to always happen to me?
WHY?
I hate not having anyone to talk to.
I hate experssing my feelings on these stupid online things.
I hate it! I hate it!
I hate this stupid place.
This sucks!
Why am I by myself?
What happened?
What did I do wrong?
NOTHING
It seems like everyone turned on me.
I have nobody to talk to.
When I try and talk to people they don't listen.
I try. I really do.
Jon dosn't know what I am feeling.
I don't know why I don't tell him.
It seems like he won't care.


I had a dream he left me for a girl named Marie. I don't know any Maries. Neither does he. Why am I having these dreams? I don't know where they are coming from. I wish I could stop all these thoughts. A girl at work told me Jon was going to break my heart. I hope she is wrong. She said we would not stay together. I odn't want to believe her. I love Jon. I really want to stay with him for the rest of my life. But I want him to want the same thing. I don't want it to feel like he doesn't want to be with me. These feelings suck! I wish I knew how to make them go away. I hate having all my feelings on here, but I have nowhere else to go. Nobody to talk to. I could talk to my mom, but I don't know what she would say, wait, yes I do. Talk to Jon. I hear that all the time. Talk to Jon about it. But I don't know what he would say. "Baby why are you always worried about this stuff?" Because I am a girl. He doesn't understand girls. I wish he did. But he was telling me to talk to people. You guys all know I can't do that. I can't just go up to someone and start talking. Someone has to come to me, first. I wish I wasn't like that. I want to talk to people. But I don't know what to say. I feel...shy. You know? I know nobody is going to read all this. Not someone who isn't REALLY bored anyway. But, yeah, I don't know what to call these feelings. All of them, the, "no friends", the dream, the nobody cares. Confused? I don't know. All I know is this really sucks and I hate having feelings like this. I don't know what to do about them. I don't know who to talk to. If any of you read this, help me figure this out. I feel like all the best friends I have had in the past have moved on and forgot about me. I am scared that will happen with Jon, too. I don't want it to. I love him. I want to be with him. But does he feel the same way? He says he does, but I don't know.
It feels like he gets mad, he is up now.....I guess I am going to go and see if he is...loveable?

11:07am: name:: Amber
birthday:: 10-14
birthplace:: Jacksonville, NC
current mood:: Sleepy
current taste:: a mint
current hair:: up
current clothes:: shorts hooters shirt
current annoyence:: everything
current smell:: jon's room
current thing you ought to be doing:: gettin him outta bed
current desktop picture:: "I love you Jonathan" That I made
current favorite band::Don't know...don't have one
current book:: fave? A child called it
current cd in stereo:: moffatts
current crush:: jonathan dees
current favorite celeb:: Nicole Kidman
smoke:: no
do drugs:: nope
have a dream that keeps coming back:: kinda...I keep dreaming about tornados
remember your first real love:: yep
still love them:: nope
read the newspaper:: not really
have any gay or lesbian friends:: yes
believe in miracles:: yes
believe it`s possible to remain faithful forever:: yes
consider yourself tolerant of others:: sometimes
consider love a mistake:: never
like the taste of alcohol:: sometimes
have a favorite candy:: chocolate covered raisins
believe in astrology:: not really
believe in God: yes
have any pets:: 2 dogs
got to or plan to go to college:: kinda
have any piercings:: my ears and belly button
have any tattoos:: not yet
hate yourself:: no
have an obsession:: not that I am aware of
have a best friend:: My boyfriend
care about looks:: not anymore ;)
love life:: AMAZING
first crush:: James, my neighbor when I was 3
single or taken:: taken
ever been in love:: Yes
do you believe in love at first sight:: always have
describe your ideal significant other:: about 5'4", brown hair, bright blue eyes, and his name has to be Jonathan
[ a p p e a r a n c e. ]
hair:: Long brown
eyes:: Hazel
height:: 5'0"

[ l a s t t h i n g y o u. ]
bought:: gas
ate + drank:: a mint...tea
read:: <- that..<-..<-that

[ l a s t p e r s o n y o u. ]
talked to:: Jon
IMed:: I don't remember
hugged:: jon
kissed:: Johnathan
had a serious conversation with::jon

10:54pm: My Goodness am I bored!!!!!!
?? HAVE YOU EVER
1.Kissed your cousin: Not that I can recall...
2.Ran away: no, thought about it once, though
3.Pictured your crush naked: hehe...yes
4.Actually seen your crush naked: yeah
5.Broken someone's heart: Yes...
6.Been in love: yes
7.Cried when someone died: yes
8.Wanted someone you knew you couldn't have: yeah, then I got over it and found someone better
9.Broken a bone: my arm.
10.Drank alcohol: yes
11.Lied: yeah
12.Cried in school: yeah

?? WHICH IS BETTER
13.COKE OR PEPSI: coke
14.SPRITE OR 7UP: Sprite
15.GIRLS OR GUYS: guys
16.FLOWERS OR CANDY: Flowers
17.SCRUFF OR CLEAN SHAVEN: I like a little scruff...
18.QUIET OR LOUD: quiet at times
19.BLONDES OR BRUNETTES: I don't know...on guys?
20.BITCHY OR SLUTTY: bitchy
21.TALL OR SHORT: I have to say kinda short
22.PANTS OR SHORTS: for me? Shorts

?? WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX
23.WHAT DO YOU NOTICE FIRST: eyes, personality, lips, ahh, Jon!!
24.LAST PERSON YOU SLOW DANCED WITH: Mr. Jonathan Dees
25.WORST QUESTION TO ASK: I don't know, I ask a lot of stupid questions...I guess that's why my nickname is Jessica

?? THE LAST TIME
26.SHOWERED: about 2:30
27.HAD SEX: I don't know...a week ago? Why are you asking me this?
28.HAD A GREAT TIME WITH A GUY: Wednesday night. Beat the crap out of Jon at put-put

?? WHAT IS
29.YOUR GOOD LUCK CHARM: My necklace
30.PERSON YOU HATE MOST: I don't really hate people...I just, can't stand them...probably people you think you can trust with a HUGE secret, but you find out you can't trust them at all.
31.THE BEST THING THAT HAS HAPPENED TO YOU TODAY: talking to my baby...
? FAVORITES
32.COLOR: blue and orange
33.MOVIE: I have many!!!
34.BOOK: again I have many!!
35.SUBJECT IN SCHOOL: yuck! none
36.JUICE: Cranberry Rasberry
37.CARS: Toytoa Tundra
38.ICE CREAM: Peanut Butter w/ marshmellows
39.HOLIDAY: Christmas
40.SEASON: Summer
41.BREAKFAST FOOD: yuckie!
42.PLACE TO GO WITH YOUR HUNNY: anywhere as long as I am with him.

?? WHO
43.MAKES YOU LAUGH THE MOST:Jon, Paul
44.MAKES YOU SMILE: Jon
45.GIVES YOU A FUNNY FEELING WHEN YOU SEE THEM: hehe Jon
46.HAS A CRUSH ON YOU: Jon, and I know of a few more but I won't put their names on here
47.DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON: Jonathan!
48.CAN MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER NO MATTER WHAT: Jon
49.HAS IT EASIER GUYS OR GIRLS: I don't know. We all have our rough times.

?? DO YOU EVER
50.SIT BY THE PHONE WAITING FOR A PHONE CALL ALL NIGHT: no
51.SAVE AOL CONVERSATIONS: no
52.SAVE E-MAILS: If I feel I need to
53.WISH YOU WERE SOMEONE ELSE: oh no no no
54.WISH YOU WERE A MEMBER OF THE OPPOSITE SEX: No
55.CRIED BECAUSE OF SOMEONE'S MEAN WORDS: oh yes yes yes

?? BEST
56.COLOGNE: Ralph Lauren
57.PERFUME: Ralph Lauren
58.KISS: Jonathan
59.ROMANTIC MEMORY: Just waking up in the middle of the night to have the perfect man sitting, just, looking at me, then he tells me he loves me for the first time. Then I had to ruin the moment and ask him if I was sure. Then the night we were by the water and it was his turn to ask me if I was sure.
60.MOST RECENT ADVICE GIVEN TO YOU: Fuck 'em

?? HAVE YOU:
61.Fallen for your best friend?: guy...yes
62.Made out w/ JUST a friend?: yes, but no more of that for Amber
63.Been rejected?:yes
64.Been in love?:yes yes yes
65.Been in lust?: yes yes
66.Used someone?: No
67.Been used?: yes
68.Cheated on someone?: Nope.
69.Been cheated on?: yes...horrible feeling
70.Been kissed?: yes yes
71.Done something you regret?: yes

Who was the last person...
72.You touched?: Jon
73.You talked to?: my mom
74.You hugged?:Jon
75.You instant messaged?: Don't remember
76.You kissed?: Jonathan
77.You had sex with?: Jon
78.You yelled at?: Don't remember
79.You laughed with?: Jon
80.Who broke your heart?: Reese, but I am WELL over that now!
81.Who told you they loved you?: Parents, Jon

Do you..
82.Color your hair? brown
83.Have tattoos? Not yet
84.Have piercings? ears, I had my bellybutton done, but I took it out
85.Have a boyfriend/girlfriend/both? boyfriend
86.Own a webcam? nope
87.Own a thong? yes siree
88.Ever get off the damn computer? yeah
107.What facial feature do you find the most attractive on others? eyes, lips
108.Would you vote for a woman candidate for president?: why not?
109.Would you marry for money?: no
110.Have you had braces?: yes
111.Do you pluck your eyebrows?: yes
112.Do you like hairy backs?: Eww!
113.When was the last time you had a hickey?: haha I've given 'em but I haven't had 'em
114.Could you live without a computer?: sure.
115.Do you use ICQ, AOL Buddy list etc...?: AOL
116.If so, how many people are on your list(s)?: 198
117.If you could live in any past, where would it be? The times where everyone spoke with an English accent.
119.Do you wear shoes in the house or take them off?: depends, usually I take them off...where did this one come from???
120.What is your favorite fruit?: pineapple, strawberries, coconut
121.Do you eat wheat bread or white?:white
122.What is your favorite place to visit?: California
123.What is the last movie you saw?:Shark Tale
124.Do you kiss on the first date?: I have
125.Are you photogenic? Nope
126.Do you dream in color or black and white?: color I think
127.Are you wearing fingernail polish?: yeah
128.Is it chipped or fresh?: chipped
129.Do you have any dimples?: I don't know...do I?
130.Do you remember being born?: no.. Do you?
131.Why do you take surveys?: I am bored
132.Do you drink alcohol? If so, what is your favorite drink?: sometimes, pina coloada
133.Did you like or do you love high school?: Hate it
135.Who do you want to kiss? Jonathan Dees
136.Do you like sunrises or sunsets the most?:I like 'em both
137.Do you want to live to be 100?:Yeah!
138.Are flat stomachs important? Not really, I like muscle
139.Do you or have you played with a ouija board?: no
140.Are you loyal?:yeah
141.Are you tolerant of other peoples beliefs?: I'd say so
142.When you watch movies at home, do you like the lights on or off?: off
143.Do you have nightmares frequently?: not really
144.Do you like your nose?: what kind of question is that??
145.Do you think you can draw well?: Nope.
149.Do you write poetry?:Yeah
150.Do you snore?: no I talk...
151.Do you sleep more on your back, front, or sides?: I don't know, do you know how you sleep?
152.dog/cat? dog
156.Which hurts the most, physical or emotional pain?: emotional
159.Do you prefer a piano or a violin?: piano
161.Do you know someone who has cancer?: umm no my Grandpa did, but he died
162.Do you like to argue?: depends on the situation
166.Do you have a middle name? What is it?: Yes, Renee'
167.Are you basically a happy person?: Yes!
168.Are you tired?: Yes,
169.Did you drink anything with caffeine in it today? does Cherry Limeaide have caffeine?
170.Have you ever met anyone off the internet?: yeah
171.How many phones do you have in your house?: 4 I think
172.How long is your hair?: little past my shoulders
173.Do you get along with your parents?: most of the time
174.What color eyes do you prefer? Bright blue
176.Were you named after anyone? my middle name is after my mom's old best friend
177.Do you wish on stars? if so, when did it work if ever? yes, I wished I would find the perfect guy
179.When did you last cry? couple nights ago
181.Do you like your handwriting? not really
182.Who do you admire, why? umm...my boyfriend, he has a lot of good qualities about him and I love that.
185.Any bad habits?: talking too much, biting my nails, asking stupid questions
186.What is your most embarrassing CD? Aaron Carter
187.If you were another person, would you be friends with yourself? yes
188.Are you a daredevil? not really
189.Have you ever told a secret you swore not to tell? When I was like 10
191.Do looks matter? you have to be somewhat physically attracted, but for the most part, no...I just got lucky!
192.Have you ever missed a word and it sounded absolutely stupid? Oh yeah
193.Do you think there is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow? There could be
195.Are you trendy? I don't know
196.How do you release anger? I cry or write poems
199.What was your favorite toy as a child? A little yellow teddy bear that sings
200.What class in school do you think is totally useles? Algebra II. When will I use this crap???
201.Do you like sappy love songs? oh yes yes yes
202.Have you ever been on radio or television? both...world series baby!!! lol
203.Do you have a journal? no I have a poem book
204.Do you use sarcasm a lot? yeah
206.What do you look for in a guy/girl? Good person, about 5'4", brown hair, blue eyes, and initals JED.
207.What is your nickname? Mugs, Jessica
208.Would you bungee jump? yes
209.Do you untie your shoes every time you take them off? No
210.What are you worried about right now? Nothing. Just sleepy
211.Do you ever wear overalls? No, I think they are kinda cute, though
212.Do you think you are strong? not really, in a sense I am but for the most part no.
213.What's your mom's job? she works at Grumman, she fixes the paperwork stuff
214.What's your dad's job? He builds E2C Hawkeyes at Grumman
216.How many wisdom teeth do you have? 4 yeah...it sucks
219.What would you change about yourself? uhh, nothing.
220.Who is most likely to respond to this first? Jon, cause when he calls I am going to con him into listening to me.
221.Who are the people you care most about? Jonathan Dees, my family and my friends
222.I see: the computer
223.I need: Jon
225.I want: Jon
226.I have: Jon
227.I wish: Jon was here
228.I love: Jon
229.I hate: high school
230.I miss: Jon
231.I fear: losing Jon
232.I feel: sleepy
233.I hear: my computer
234.I smell: haha Jon, I have his shirt on
235.I wonder: if I am going to the fair tomorrow
236.I regret: as of right now, nothing

When was the last time I ...
237.Smiled?: A few minutes ago when I was reading this
238.Laughed?: Today
239.Cried?: few days ago
240.Bought something?: I bought food today...does that count?
241.Danced?: Don't know.
242.Were sarcastic?: today
243.Kissed someone?: Wednesday
244.Talked to an ex?: gosh, I don't know
245.Watched your favorite movie?: a while ago
246.Do you own any plaid clothing?: yes, a skirt
247.Do you own Converse shoes?: used to
250.Do you wear tight pants?: yes
251.Is there more than one zipper in your pants?: not that I know of

In the last day have you:
252.Worn a skirt: no
253.Been mean: yeah
254.Been sarcastic: yeah
255.Met someone new: no
256.Talked to someone you have a crush on: yes, but it's WAY more than a crush
257.Missed someone: yes
258.Hugged someone: no
259.Fought with your parents: nope
260.Wished upon a star: no
261.Laughed until you cried: no
262.Played Truth or Dare: nope
263.Watched a sunrise/sunset:nope.
264.Went to the beach at night: no
265.Spent quality time alone: yeah
266.Read a book for fun: no
267.Are you lonely: no
268.Are you wearing your pajamas: yes..well, Jon's pajamas
269.Are you talking to someone online: yes, kinda

7:13pm: I'm back...
Hey Guys! I know I don't update so much anymore. I don't ever have time. Either that or I don't have anything to update about. I hope you guys are doing good, I am. I wish you all a Merry Christmas!


1. What did you do in 2004 that you'd never done before?
found the perfect guy

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
nope and I think I will make more and Ash is going to make me keep them.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
not yet, but soon! This month she is supposed to

4. Did anyone close to you die?
no

5. What countries did you visit?
none

6. What would you like to have in 2005 that you lacked in 2004?
An apt. when I turn 18

7. What dates from 2004 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
January 15, August 5, September 13, October 9, October 13 October 14, October 16, November 13, and Next Wednesday hahahaha! I'm sure you guys don't want to hear all about all that.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
I've done a lot this year, I don't really know.

9. What was your biggest failure?
almost giving up on my best friend

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
not that I can recall

11. What was the best thing you bought?
a Christmas present...

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Leslie's but I still love her!!!

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Leslie's

14. Where did most of your money go?
gas, car, ins., and phone

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
The FOOTBALL GAME and THE FAIR...

16. What song will always remind you of 2004?
Amazed

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? happier
b) thinner or fatter? thinner
c) richer or poorer? richer in more ways than one

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
ummm...hung out with old friends

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
crying

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
with my family, in my warm house

22. Did you fall in love in 2004?
yes!

23. How many one-night stands?
none.

24. What was your favorite TV program?
Queer Eye for the Straight Guy...a little weird, I know, but I like it

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
yes

26. What was the best book you read?
not sure...

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
umm... I don't really know...

28. What did you want and get?
a perfect boyfriend

29. What did you want and not get?
a truck

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
I don't know, I saw a lot of good ones, I liked the Grudge, but the ending sucked BAD!!!

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I worked, but the day before, I had a party type thing with family. 17

32.What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
be with Jon sooner than I was

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2004?
I don't know...

34. What kept you sane?
Jonathan

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Allison Krauss

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
The debates we put on in class and at Publix...

37. Who did you miss?
Chris

38. Who was the best new person you met?
Jonathan

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2004:
God really does have the perfect person out there for you...

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
"Everything’s so blurry and everyone's so fake everybody’s empty and everything is so messed up preoccupied without you I cannot live at all..." Puddle of Mudd

11:27am: not tooo much time for the online thing....
Full Name: Amber Renee'
> >1. Been Kissed: Yes
> >2. Eaten an entire thing of oreos? not by myself
> >3. Eaten sushi: no, but I would like to try it
> >4. Been on stage: Yes
> >5. Ever been dumped: Yes
> >6. Has someone been unfaithful to you: yes but I could careless now.
> >1. Cold or hot: cold
> >2. Blue or Red: blue
> >3. Rain or snow: rain
> >4. Give or receive: give
> >5. Wool or cotton: Cotton
> >7. Private school or public: private
> >9. Celsius or Fahrenheit: Fahrenheit
> >10. Spring or fall?: fall
> >11. History or Science?: History
> >12. Math or English: English
Opposite Sex
> >1. Do you like someone right now: yes I do...I'm in love =)
> >2. Do they know?: I would hope so
> >3. What do you look for in a guy?: good person, not pushy, sweet, romantic(but I don't know many guys who are), good looking, brown hair, blue eyes, about 5'4"
Your Friends
> >1. Who are your funniest friends: Paul and Jon W.
> >2. Who makes you laugh/smile the most?: Jonathan
> >3. Who Do You e-mail the most:no one...
> >4. Who are your good Friends?:Jon, Leslie, Stuart, Chris
> >5. Who's the loudest?: Leslie
> >6. Who's the shyest?: lol me
> >7. Who do you know the best?:Jon
Within The Last 24 Hours
> >1. Had a serious talk? Yes
> >2. Hugged someone?? Yes
> >3. Gotten along with your parents? yeah
> >4. Fought with a friend? nope
Do You Like To
> >1. Give hugs: yes yes
> >2. Give back rubs? kinda, yeah
> >3. Take a walk in the rain? Yes!!
Which One Of Your Friends
> >1. Is most likely to grow up to be the president? I don't know, it'd be funny to see Driver as president
> >2. Which one knows most about you? Jon, Leslie
> >3. Is most likely to become a comedian? Paul
> >4. Have you known the longest? Leslie
Have You Ever
> >1. Been to a concert: yeah
> >2. Been out of the country: yeah
Love
> >1. Single or Hooked: Hooked!!!
> >2. Your biggest crush?: Jon D
> >3. If you were gonna go out with anyone who would it be?: The one I am with now
> >4. Have you ever had an online relationship? umm NO
> >5. What are some things you wish to do in the future with the opposite sex?: Marry the guy of my dreams and have the best life I have ever dreamed of
Others
> >1. What is your worst habit: bitting my nails
> >2. What really makes you mad?: HIGH SCHOOL
> >3. What are you scared of?:drowning
> >4. Happiest moment: when Jon first told me he loved me, and October 16th
> >5. Do you swear? if I'm pissed
> >6. When was the last time you showered?: yesterday
> >7. What color pants do you have on right now? DUCKS
> >8. What are u listening to right now? the airplane going over my house
> >9. What was the last thing that you said? okay love you bye
> >10. What is urcomputer desk made of? wood
> >11. What are the last 4 digits in your phone number? 2310
> >12. What was the last thing you ate: noodles
> >13. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? either blue or orange
> >15. How many buddies do you have on your contact list? a lot, I don't wanna count
> >16. How's the weather right now? clear, pretty cold
> >18. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?:my mamma
> >19. The nicest thing you find about the opposite sex?: personality, funny, sweet, honest
> >20. The nicest present you've gotten this year: umm the FSU football game tickets that my aunt sent me
> >21. How do you eat your Oreo?: lick the cream
> >22. How about peanut butter cup?: i really don't like them
> >23. What makes you happy?: Jon
> >24. Fave CD?: my mix
> >25. Height: 5'0"
> >26. Do you have glasses? yeah, but i dont wear them
> >27. Last CD: keith urban
> >28. Have you won any special awards?: when I was little
> >29. What do you want to be when you grow up?:something to do with kids
> >30. Your future goals: Get finished with school this summer, move out and live a successful life
> >31. If you were an animal what would you be?: a tiger, or a monkey
> >23. What will you name your first child?: Boy:Elijah Michael, Girl:Abigale Marie
> >33. What are you scared of most in the world? Getting hurt

2:16pm: I'm bored...
1. What's your full name?

Amber Renee Burchell

2. What pants are you wearing? shorts

3. What are you listening to right now? Tim McGraw, baby!!! Who else?

4. What are the last four digits of your phone number? 2310 and 4492

5. What was the last thing you ate? burrito

6. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? orange, yellow or pink

7. Where do you plan to go on your honeymoon? We haven't discussed it yet

8. Last person you talked to on the phone? I'm talking to Jon now

9. What's the first thing you notice about the opposite sex? eyes

10. Do you like the person that sent you this? I guess ;)

11. Your favorite drink? Sweet Tea

12. Favorite alcoholic drink? lemondrops

13. Favorite sport to play? baseball

14. Favorite sport to watch? baseball

15. What's the next CD you're going to get? Keith Urban

16. Did you ever wear braces? yes 18 Days left!!

17. Best memories: "bubbas" inside joke

19. Siblings and their ages? James...13

20. Favorite month? March

>>>21. Favorite food: Chicken

22. Last movie you watched? Who Framed Rodger Rabbit

23. Are you too shy to ask someone out? I don't ask guys out, if they like me they will ask me out

24. Favorite place to go on a date? anywhere if it is whith the right person

25. Do you like scary or happy movies better? scary

26. Summer or winter?
Winter

27. Hugs or kisses? hugs

28. vanilla or chocolate? Chocolate

30. Who is most likely to respond? ?

31. Who is least likely to respond? ?

32. What books are you reading? none

33. What's on your mouse pad? dell

34. Favorite magazine? I dunno

35. Favorite smell? ocean/jon

>36. Least favorite smell? old spice

37. Worst feeling in the world? loving someone and knowing they don't love you back

>38. How many rings before you answer the door? when I hear it

39. Future child's name? I'm not old enough to know this

40. Glass half empty or half full? full

41. Favorite movie(s): Sweet Home Alabama

42. What's under your bed? boxes

43. What is your favorite number? 2

42. One nice thing about the person that sent this to you? I love you Dearest!!

45. Many friends or best friend? many

46. Favorite current TV shows? Queer (sp???) Eye for the straight guy

47. Name one funny thing that happened today: Jon on a tractor

48. Favorite quote: I don't know

2:17pm: No time to update now, gotta go to work. Guess I will update later. Haven't in a while. Daniel cheated on me, don't know if I wrote this yet. Paul's mad at me again, for what I don't know. I hate Bailey and Jon and I are talking again. Good times...write more later...


You are Drama.
You are extroverted and like to show off, but can
be very subtle and intelligent when you want.
As an expert at story-telling, you love
attention and have developed the skill of
keeping it.
You get along well with Literature and Film.


What form of art are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

6:43pm: Kiss me and Smile for me....thanks Danielle...
Aww you guys I am so freakin bored. My family is going to drive me nuts! Guys are offically jerks...well, the ones that like me =( I don't ever get any of the good ones. I want a good one. Moe wasn't the only one who saw Danile cheating on me. My friend Jamie saw them, too. He said he didn't want Daniel to hurt me so he didn't say anything then. But it's all good now. Jon and I are talking again. That's always good. Whoo...speaking of Jon...he just called...think I am going to go talk to you guys later!!

4:35pm:

weepingsilently's LJ stalker is smp0317!

smp0317 is stalking you because you got better results for the 'acronym' thing than them. They are also slowly poisoning you!

4:15pm:

Informationi

Amber is a restricted area. Authorised personel only

Username:

From Go-Quiz.com



Everything is all happening at once. Have you ever noticed that happens? Josh Waggner died Tuesday night. Very sad. He was a sweet kid. I found out Wednesday that my boyfriend that I haven't even been dating for 2 weeks is cheating on me with his ex. Yeah, he's still denying it. But I believe my friends over him. And he also gets mad over stupid stuff. Rachel is suposed to go on 2 cruises with my family and I. We were talking about it Tuesday night and he got mad. He said I should be spending time with him. Rachel is my best friend...I would rather spend time with her than any guy!! Grr it makes me so mad. But I was under so much stress. I had to end it. So it's all good now. Whooo...


We have been running in PE and I am so freaking sore! lol! I couldn't walk down the stairs today! It was kinda funny, but bad too. I haven't ran in 2 years. Crazy stuff! *Sigh* guys I think I am going to go see what's goin' on for dinner...I'm hungry...

4:07pm: Girl: Slow down. I'm scared.

Guy: No this is fun.

Girl: No its not. Please, its too scary!

Guy: Then tell me you love me.

Girl: Fine, I love you. Slow down!

Guy: Now give me a BIG hug.

-=Girl hugs him=-

Guy: Can you take my helmet off & put it on yourself? Its bugging me.

(In the paper the next day):

A motorcycle had crashed into a building because of brake failure. Two people were on it, but only one survived.

The truth was that halfway down the road, the guy had realized that his brakes broke, but he didn't want to let the girl know. Instead, he had her say she loved him & felt her hug one last time, then had her wear his helmet so that she would live, even though it meant that he would die.

If there's anyone you love this much re-post this.

How awesome is that? Can you guys believe that Scott put it on his lj? j/k. How are you guys liking school? Those of you that go anyway. Not Rachel. Sterl. Yeah, not fair. School is good for me. Hah! I met a guy Friday and we deff. hit it off. He's a cool kid. His name is Daniel M. I am not going to say his last name. But he asked me to go out with him this Friday. Yay! Hah! Megan told me I could be a pimp. I thought that was a funny thought. I can't see myself as a pimp. I have really been thinking about Daniel and Jon, though. I think Daniel would be better for me. I don't think he will really try anything. Jon did. I don't know if I want someone who wants to make out CONSTANTLY. I'd rather cuddle. Well, I know you guys don't care, so I'm out.

2:02pm: Leave a comment with a memory of me.
It can be anything you want.
Then post this in your journal
and see what people remember of you

1:43pm: I've never hated anyone in my whole life! Well, today, that all changed. There's a girl, I am going to call her B, she seems to always go for the guys I like. First she went for Chris. When I decided I didn't like him anymore, so she blew him off. Now she is doing the same thing again! With the guy I am TRYING to get with. I can't with HER in the way. But he DOES'T like her. I don't know who would. But still, You're Pissin me off B!! She's all hah my Jon? Grrr... She hangs all over him and he hates it but he won't say anything. It kinda makes me mad. Now that I am writing, well typing it rather, it sounds stupid. At the beach I told him to go to her b/c he didn't want her to get mad at him and he went. I HATE HER! Is that mean? Oh well. This is the second time she's done this and I am not going for it. No siree not me. Stupid Girl...You guys know that song? It's for B. GRRR!!! I think I am going to go clean...I clean when I am pissed. He's coming over tonight and we are going somewhere without B anywhere in sight. If she is I'll start like, kissing him or something. lol. Piss her off...be like he's taken Back off!!! OOOO she makes me mad.

3:09pm: You know what?...
My life is good. I love my friends. Rachel and I hung out last night. She called me and asked me to go to a party with her. Fun times! It was great, we hung out there for a little while, then went to the Platts house. Played pool...YES I CAN PLAY POOL NOW!! I was so excited. lol. Brandon and I almost won, then I hit the LAST ball in, and the white one went in too. Dang it! So much fun. Rach tried to call her dad to let him know what was going on and stuff and her mom was at the hospital with a little girl Rachel babysits. She fell...poor kid. I almost cried. She is okay now, though. Went up to Publix say he to my peeps. lol. peeps...Anywhoo, after thatRachel Brandon and I went and watch How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days. Good movie. I think Brandon got in trouble. But yeah, 13 Going on 30 is good, too. I liked it. Gotta fly...haha!

2:43pm: humm...
You guys I just got the most amazing jacket ever! I love it so much! It is a Marine Jacket. It is so awesome! It was my Daddy's when he was in the service. But now he's out and the thing fits me PERFECT! Wait till you see it.

Last night was soooo much fun! I was with John D., Chris D., and Paul. Ahh it was awesome! John Chris and I drove in John's truck. Fun times! Then we sat and played on the CB radio. Mucho Fun! John is going to teach me to drive a stick. yay! Him and I are talking again...good or bad? I don't know. He's a pretty cool kid I guess. He better not try anything though. I think he know's almost all my friends are guys so he won't be stupid.

Chris B's last night was yesterday. Sad. But I bet I'll still see him! Mwhahahah! He's suposed to go to the beach on Monday with us. Good times!

Ahhh...School starts in like 5 days! Makes me mad! I wish it didn't. I really don't wanna go back. This summer has been pretty cool. I don't want it to end. =( \

Guess I am going to go get ready for work. Ya'll have a great day!

1:29am:

The \\
Last Cigarette:	never
Last Alcoholic Drink:	the 4th
Last Car Ride:	home from work
Last Kiss:	John Dees....yeah...I NEED A NEW ONE haha j/k
Last Good Cry:	sbout a week ago
Last Library Book:	I do n't remember that
Last book bought:	umm Gossip Girl
Last Book Read:	Gossip Girl
Last Movie Seen in Theatres:	A Cinderella Story
Last Movie Rented:	I don't think we rent movies anymore, we just buy them
Last Cuss Word Uttered:	Damnit
Last Beverage Drank:	Water
Last Food Consumed:	Hot Pocket
Last Crush:	Chris...Reese...I don't know anymore
Last Phone Call:	Reese
Last TV Show Watched:	Full House
Last Time Showered:	this morning
Last Shoes Worn:	my work shoes
Last CD Played:	Godsmack
Last Item Bought:	haha does gas count? Probably surf board wax
Last Download:	umm I don't know
Last Annoyance:	Work...
Last Disappointment:	Boys
Last Soda Drank:	The Publix version of Sprite
Last Thing Written:	A poem
Last Key Used:	Car
Last Words Spoken:	Damnit
Last Sleep:	last night
Last Ice Cream Eaten:	Peanut Butter w/ marshmellows...yummmm
Last Chair Sat In:	the comp chair
Last Webpage Visited:	livejournal
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

Current Mood: Grrr...

Current Music: Vendecated~*~DC

8:46am: Stop telling God how big your storm is.
Instead tell your storm how big your GOD is.
In Phoenix, Arizona, a 26-year-old mother stared
down at her 6 year old son, who was dying of
terminal leukemia. Although her heart was filled
with sadness, she also had a strong feeling of
determination. Like any parent, she wanted her
son to grow up and fulfill all his dreams. Now
that was no longer possible..
The leukemia would see to that. But she still
wanted her son's dreams to come true. She took
her son's hand and asked, "Billy, did you ever
think about what you wanted to be once you grew
up? Did you ever dream and wish what you would do
with your life?"
Mommy, "I always wanted to be a fireman when I grew up."
Mom smiled back and said, "Let's see if we can
make your wish come true."
Later that day she went to her local fire
department in Phoenix, Arizona, where she met
Fireman Bob, who had a heart as big as Phoenix.
She explained her son's final wish and asked if
it might be possible to give her six-year-old son
a ride around the block on a fire engine.
Fireman Bob said, "Look, we can do better than
that. If you'll have your son ready at seven
o'clock Wednesday morning, we'll make him an
honorary fireman for the whole day. He can come
down to the fire station, eat with us, go out on
all the fire calls, the whole nine yards! And if
you'll give us his sizes, we'll get a real fire
uniform for him, with a real fire hat-not a toy
one-with the emblem of the Phoenix Fire
Department on it, a yellow slicker like we wear
and rubber boots. They're all manufactured right
here in Phoenix, so we can get them fast."
Three days later Fireman Bob picked up Billy,
dressed him in his fire uniform and escorted him
from his hospital bed to the waiting hook and
ladder truck. Billy got to sit on the back of the
truck and help steer it back to the fire station.
He was in heaven. There were three fire calls in
Phoenix that day and Billy got to go out on all
three calls. He rode in the different fire
engines, the paramedic's van, and even the fire chief's car.
He was also videotaped for the local news
program. Having his dream come true, with all the
love and attention that was lavished upon him, so
deeply touched Billy that he lived three months
longer than any doctor thought possible.
One night all of his vital signs began to drop
dramatically and the head nurse, who believed in
the hospice concept that no one should die alone,
began to call the family members to the hospital.
Then she remembered the day Billy had spent as a
fireman, so she called the Fire Chief and asked
if it would be possible to send a fireman in
uniform to the hospital to be with Billy as he
made his transition. The chief replied, "We can
do better than that. We'll be there in five
minutes. Will you please do me a favor
When you hear the sirens screaming and see the
lights flashing, will you announce over the PA
system that there is not a fire? It's just the
fire department coming to see one of its finest
members one more time. And will you open the window to his room?
About five minutes later a hook and ladder truck
arrived at the hospital and extended its ladder
up to Billy's third floor open window
16 firefighters climbed up the ladder into
Billy's room. With his mother's permission, they
hugged him and held him and told him how much
they loved him. With his dying breath, Billy
looked up at the fire chief and said, "Chief, am
I really a fireman now?" "Billy, you are, and the
Head Chief, Jesus, is holding your hand," the
chief said.
With those words, Billy smiled and said, "I know,
He's been holding my hand all day, and the angels
have been singing." He closed his eyes one last time.


I really don't feel like updating right now, I just thought you guys should read this...it's so sad!

7:48pm: Bwah....Grrr....
I am so confused right now! All of you know I like Reese, but I had Reese and another guy I like both with me today and the other guy I like is so much more fun that Reese. Like, we were playing in the water and having so much fun! Reese was on his stupid board the whole time and got mad at me b/c I was playing around with the other guy. I don't know what to do. I may kinda like the other guy more, but I don't think anything will happen.

Ya'll I am so freaking burnt! I can't believe it! We were out at the beach from 10-6. Freakin'8 hours! That's a long time! And we didn't have sun block on...go us! James and I got there and there were like 7 dolphins in the water, it was so cool! They were CLOSE! I have never seen them that close before. It was fun! Beautiful day! Awesome waves! I tried to surf again...I'm not all that great. I did about 3 nosedives before I gave Grace her board back. Fun Times!

Going to sleep bye Ya'll

1:58pm: I did it...Phew
Well, I talked to John last night. I broke it off. Sad. But we are still going to be friends. Hung out with Reese for about 2 hours last night. It was good. I missed that kid so very much! We went up to the big Wal*Mart and got cat food....oh yeah!! We saw John D and Reese wanted to kick some booty...you know, cause of what he did, but I wouldn't let him. So yeah, he's pretty much my best friend...Reese and Rach..the 2 R's. hah! Guess I'm going to stop blabbing now...Not too much going on...

2:08pm: Sigh...
I miss him. We are hanging out agin. I assume you guys know who I am talking about. Yeah, Reese. We went to the beach the other day. He calls me now. I feel so much better now that we are talking again. It was really wierd at first, but not now. Not too much is going on. I guess I'll update later...I want to sleep!!!


:Chase:
Not John D hunn, John G. I would NEVER go out with John D. Never ever again! I can't believe you are leaving me, too! Gosh I'm going to miss you guys!!!

4:07pm: Wow, I'm bored...when is he going to call!?!?!?
In the past...make it interesting...72 hrs...

01. Cried: oh gosh yes!!!
02. Bought something: yes
03. Gotten sick: no
04. Sang: yes
05. Eaten: yep
06. Been kissed: hahaha he tried
07. Missed soneone: Yes, Espically last night...
08. Wanted to tell someone you loved them, but didn't: Yes, I had the chance last night...still didn't do it.
09. Met someone new: yes
10. Moved on: no, moved backwards
11. Talk to an ex: yes
12. Missed an ex: oh gosh yeah!!!
13. Talked to someone you have a crush on: yep!!
14. Had a serious talk: yes
15. Missed someone: Oh yeah! really really really missed him
16. Hugged someone: yes
17. Fought with your grandpa: no =(
18. Dreamed: Yeah...
19. Harpooned a sea otter: not that I can recall...



Social Life:
01. Best girl friend: Well, right now I would have to say Rach
02. Best guy friend: Chris
03. Boyfriend/Girlfriend: umm yeah..till he gets back =(
04. If no, current dating partner: ...John...
06. Pager: no
07. Are you the center of attention or the wallflower: no
08. What type of automobile do you drive: Civic LX
09. What type of automobile do you wish you drove: Ford Lightning or a Jeep Wrangler
10. Would you rather be with friends or on a date: If I got to pick the guy then a date
11. Where is the best hangout: the beach
12. Do you have a job: yes
13. Do you attend church: Yes
14. Do you like being around people: Who are the people?

Personal:
01. Who is your role model: Jesus, my mom
02. What are some of your pet peeves: I have many
03. Have you ever liked someone you had no chance with: yes. I still do.
04. Have you ever cried over the opposite sex: Oh yeah!
05. Do you have a "type" of person you always go after: Christian...
06. Have you ever lied to your best friend(s): not the best friends I have now
07. Ever wanted to get revenge on someone because they hurt you: not really. I have been hurt many times...
08. Would you rather be dumper or dumped: dumpiee...I don't like breaking up with people, it hurts me worse to break up with them than for them to break up with me, you know?
09. Rather have a relationship or a "hookup": RELATIONSHIP...
10. Want someone you don't have right now: Yes, Yes and another yes!
11. Ever liked your best guy/girl friend: yep
12. Do you want to get married: Definitely
13. Do you want kids: Yes
15. Do you believe you know the person whom you will marry at this point in time: I know the guy I want to marry, but in time that may change and God is a big part in that
16. What is your favorite part of your physical appearance: my eyes
17. What is your favorite part of your emotional being: probably my heart
18. Are you happy with you: yes I am
19. Are you happy with your life: yes
20. If you could change something in your life right now, what would it be: Well, the one thing I would change is changing...I think

[ Current Clothes] skirt and a blue shirt
[ Current Mood] bored, happy
[ Current Music ] By The Way~*~Red Hot Chili Peppers
[ Current Taste ] burrito
[ Current Make-up ] eye liner
[ Current Hair] up
[ Current Smell ] coconut
[ Current thing I ought to be doing ] sleeping
[ Current Desktop Picture] the mountains
[ Current Book you're reading ] Gossip Girl
[ Current CD in CD Player] All American Rejects
[ Current DVD in player ] Nemo
[ Current Color Of Toenails ] Blueish
[ Current Refreshment ] nothing
[ Current Worry] John...




Sorry guys, I know I do this thing a lot but it's b/c I'm BORED!!! grrr

3:49pm: Grrr
I get off work at 12.30 and I have NOTHING to do. I am BORED out of my MIND!! Finally talked to Courtney today. Wow...that's a surprise huh? She was 'posed to call me back, but hasn't. I am kinda wondering if this whole thing with Alexis is strating with Courtney. I mean, she is suposed to be my best friend. But when I was feeling like CRAP with the whole Chris deal, she wasn't there. I don't know what to do with her. I love her to death and I miss her. She is my best friend...why do I feel like she isn't? Is it because of the college thing? Almost all my friends are into college..out of High School...are they all going to forget me?

11:03pm: Ahh I LOVE life right now!!!!
Reese was at church. I was like oh great...You know he's been not really...sociable (sp?) But I was telling Leslie I was going to talk to him b/c I got guts! lol I said I was going to b/c he kept looking at me. Church got out and I was going to talk to him but Nikki got my attention and he left. Sad, I know. I went out to my car and talked to Jenni and Grace and then got in...bummed about not talking to Reese, but I saw a note on my car. I was thinking, why didn't Leslie just call my cell...but it was from Reese. He said to call him. I did, got his voicemail. Bummer again...He called me back about an hour ago and I did tell him I missed him. He was like, well I miss a lot of things. So I am hoping that we get back to being friends and maybe even back together. Golly Gee I miss that kid. Wow, I miss him a lot!!! You guys have no idea how happy I am...I'm like...Chris, Chris who? This is my song for Reese, I heard it on the radio and decided it was out song.



Lately I've been runnin'
Into our old friends
And somewhere in the small talk
Someone always asks where you've been
So I tell them what you told me
And they can't believe we're through
They ask me what I'm doin' now
And in case you're wonderin' too

I breathe in I breathe out
Put one foot in front of the other
Take one day at a time
'Til you find
I'm that someone you can't live without
Until then
I breathe in and breathe out

I've got every reason
To find someone new
Cause you swore up and down to me
That I've seen the last of you
But the way that you loved me
Girl, left me hopin' and holdin' on
So until this world stops turning round
And my heart believes you're gone

I breathe in I breathe out
Put one foot in front of the other
Take one day at a time
'Til you find
I'm that someone you can't live without
Until then
I breathe in and breathe out

We were meant to be
Girl, there's no doubt
And if it takes the rest of my life
For you to figure it out

Chris Cagle...whooooo

1:34am: Stupid Boy....
I feel like crap...Life is beginning to piss me off. lol. I don't know, John is...too young...I figured that out today at the movies...toooo young. The guy I like at work is a jerk...figured that out today too. Stressful day. Very very stressful. I found the perfect song for Chris, though. It's called "Stupid Girl" by Cold, but you have to change all the she's and girls and stuff to boys...Hints the subject tonight... I miss Reese...I was close to calling him tonight. It's woerd, when I am sad. I think about him. I think about calling him, about him holding me. I miss him so much. I wiah I could tell him how I feel. Grr I wish I had my best friend there for me! I haven't talked to her in weeks and my other "best friend" competely pissed me off...Paul is helping a lot though. (thanks Paul) You guys probably don't really care, but I need to get this out and this is the way I am doing it. You don't have to read...I'm just gettin' it out. Golly I miss Reese. I don't even know why. He wasn't very good to me, like with what he did. But I miss the kid. My mom and dad liked him, they even said I loved him...But I don't know...I miss him...and Chris...Aww Why does this always happen to me? All the guys I REALLY REALLY like don't like me...I'm just a "good friend" nothing more. Ever. Why do they make me fall for them and then tell me...grr...nevermind, I'm not going to get into this b/c I won''t stop if I do. Night Ya'll...




"Stupid Girl"

Wanna love ya
Wanna bug ya
Wanna squeeze ya
Stupid girl

Wanna touch ya,
Wanna take ya,
Wanna shut ya,
Stupid girl.

I can't take this,
Born to break this.

She's going away,
(She's going away)
What's wrong with my life today?
She's going away,
(She's going away)
What's wrong with my life today?
Stupid girl, Stupid girl

I'm a loner,
I'm a loser,
I'm a winner,
In my mind.

I'm a bad one,
I'm a good one,
I'm a sick one,
With a smile.

I can't take this,
Born to break this.

She's going away,
(She's going away)
What's wrong with my life today?
She's going away,
(She's going away)
What's wrong with my life today?
Stupid girl, Stupid girl

[acoustic break]
Stupid girl, Stupid girl

(whoa)

She's going away,
(She's going away)
What's wrong with my life today?
She's going away,
(She's going away)
What's wrong with my life today?
Stupid girl, Stupid girl

[repeat chorus til end.]